Envy

"A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."
Proverbs 14:30

“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own.”
Harold Coffin

The men sat and laughed as they read over some papers. Contracts, I guessed. One of them clearly the salesman. The other two, far more casually attired in shorts and sandals, were going into the deal in a partnership. They carefully read over the documents before putting pen to paper.
"How can that sort of wealth even exist?" I questioned myself, watching ever more carefully as the three of them joked around on the back of the luxury yacht. With the deal almost done, a woman and two children joined 'the party'. She was the wife of one of the new owners and with children in tow, they were about to enjoy their new prized posession.

I sat and watched and imagined it was me about to enjoy the boat. It glistened in the evening lights. The woodgrain fixtures shined in the illumination of the interior. White leather seats contrasted with the darker surrounds of the spacious cabin - a large tray holding a number of expensive looking carafes of liquor pulled out of a cupboard before being pushed away for a later time. Stainless steel rails led up to the upper deck of the boat where the view would have been amazing. My 'boatwarming' party would have taken place up there. Sparkling champagne and a seafood buffet would be on offer for a few close friends to share in the Christening of my new toy. I had it all planned.

As the waiter delivered another drink to our table I realized it was not to be. The yacht belonged to someone else. As I sat at our restaurant table, I was merely daydreaming about something that would never happen. It was absurd to entertain the thought. Me? Ever own something like that? Right. Those boats belonged to the 'lucky' few who somehow were able to afford it. How exactly they did this still eluded me.

And so I sat there. Disappointed somehow. Jealous somehow. But I sat there. At one of the city's most extravangant hotels. Enjoying a lavish meal. On the marina where few people could afford to enjoy the opportunity to do what I was doing. Sitting opposite my wife, in a happy and contented relationship. And I'm complaining? Well not complaining, but maybe a bit envious of those on the boat. What the hell is wrong with me? I remember the 'wake up' moment of realizing my thoughts and feeling guilty. The guilt of not appreciating the fantastic life I have. My health and well-being. My freedom and wealth of experience. What about all those people worse off than me. Those who cannot afford housing, electricity, education. Those confined to poverty. Even here in my city, most could dream of the life I lead. The selfishness of wanting evermore and the ungrateful nature of that envy I had just felt began to weigh heavily.

The Pandan Chicken and King Prawn Spring Roll tasted even better once my head had been cleared of those previous thoughts. They could have their boat. Good luck to them. I realised just then, once again, how I was fortunate to be where I was. It's a feeling I need to be aware of much more often in future.